Monday, May 22, 2017

Losing our Balance.. oh no!


   It began as the same old Wal-Mart shopping trip going on as usual until we arrived at the electronic section. James was looking for a cell phone holder and I was seeking out a new headset. James was squatting down scanning the bottom shelf when I happened to see what I was looking for right beside him. I put my hand on his shoulder as I lowered myself down to be eye level with the object I desired.Well, I have to say I am not as small as when we were first married and he may not be as steady either as I sent him toppling over backwards. Of course when he went over, I lost my shoulder grip so I went on down too. I tried to land in a semi-dignified squat but naturally that did not happen. I landed with a thud and rolled on back too. At this point, poor James ( who is easily mortified) took hold of my shoulder in order to right himself evidently unaware that the law of gravity was still having it's way with me. Instead of heaving himself forward, he merely hastened my descent on back until I was nearly flat on my back-- where he was sent into "tumbling backwards: Part 2". Actually, I was only nearly flat, as it is not possible to be flat if your shoulders are forward and your knees are drawn up so that you actually look like some sort of deranged armadillo. Well, not to be outdone, I grabbed hold of my man, and since he had only achieved a semi squat all I accomplished was to set him back on his behind and completed his trilogy of "falling: part 3." At this point, I had the clarity of mind to recall fire safety tips and stopped, dropped and rolled to my side until I managed to get control of my physical functions- which until that moment I feared had totally escaped me. I finally managed to obtain a sitting position. James had regained a nonchalant squatting pose and was staring intently at the products ahead evidently pretending that he had no concept of whom I was and in fact was only partially aware that I was even there at all. Meanwhile, I tried to look as though it was perfectly natural if not preferable to sit on the floor while shopping for phone paraphernalia. I was thinking that at least we were not disgraced publicly as the aisle was empty until I heard the concerned wal-mart employee beside me inquire, "M'am, is there anyway I can do to help you?" I sighed and just told her, "no thanks."