The Family Dogs
Angela Moore
7/04/03
I
read somewhere that ancient people Chihuahuas kept as they were thought to ward
off evil spirits. Having become acquainted with several of these little dogs, I
can understand that. Visitors to my
house have to pass through the Chihuahua gantlet that consists of 3 Chihuahuas
known as evil, rude, and indifferent. While the children - as they are
affectionately known - may appear to be barking and raising a ruckus with no
more in mind than creating a row, but they are actually performing their secret
mission of clearing away any unwelcome demons that may be lurking in the heel
of a shoe.
The worst of
the lot is Evil Wren. Weighing in at 9
pounds of terror, she also known as “the beast”. She views most humans with a mixture of
suspicion and contempt. She is missing
some teeth; no doubt they are lodged in someone’s pant leg. The trouble with Wren is, she lies. She will pretend she would like to be petted
then attempt to remove a finger… all the while laughing heartily inside at her
little game. Speaking of games, wren
invented a little thing we call “injector head”. She also uses this technique to poke other
dogs and roll kittens around the floor.
I have tried unsuccessfully to explain to Wren the folly of her aggressions,
but to no avail. I have to say, she has
provided some light entertainment for us. Although my company may disagree. For example, take my last unsuspecting and
unannounced visitor. She walked up the driveway unaware that the beast had
escaped the gated porch. Wren began her first assault on the lady by simply
barking at her shoe. This started a little dance known as high stepping. This
quickly led to pant leg nipping which escalated into a full time chase around
the parked cars. The poor woman escaped
by jumping in to my car, also known as Wren’s second home. Poor Wren was so offended by this that she
stomped and huffed and seemed so genuinely confused that she muttered curses
and epitaphs for hours. Wren enjoyed
teaching the high step so much tried to teach another visitor how to tap dance
at the front door. The poor woman had
the misfortune to be wearing sandals. Wren took advantage of the moment to help
her find her rhythm by artistically arranging little nips at random. Fortunately, the lady - a local attorney- was
able to out boogie the beast and escaped serious injury. I tried to explain to the evil one that it is
best NOT to bite those who know how to sue us.
Wren plans her
attacks covertly while under the bed, also known as Wren’s warehouse as she has
all manner of good things hidden under there.
She protects her stolen loot fiercely from the probing noses of her
housemates shivering so dramatically that it has caused me to consider offering
her doggy drugs, or maybe a cigarette to help calm her nerves. She may already have a beer or two stored
under there, I don’t know, I am afraid to look.
Living with the children can be
an adventure and I would like to tell you more. However, as someone is coming
up the driveway, and Wren has left the warehouse and is heading for the door I
will close now. Thank goodness she
hasn’t learned to work the doorknob. Now
where did I put those cigarettes?
